Back to School Post 1

So yeah, uh huh, we’re so not even going to talk about how I ran away for a while with thanks to Annie who noticed. Let’s face it I’m hardly Billy Bountiful Blogposts plus it’s the internet you’re not meant to be reliable. Lets just have fun with some more memey goodness. This time, picked up from the lovely Anna at littleredboat. Which you should totally be reading btw fyi asap.

The Finishey-Sentencey Meeeeeem

1. My uncle once: told me he had walked into the room while his parents were “getting it on” (his words). I have no idea why he chose to tell me this, especially since it was out of the blue as we both looked down at my grandmother at her wake. We have the talent of the inappropriate in our family.

2. Never in my life: have I been as content as I am now. I don’t quite know how to handle this so I’m thinking about developing a heroin addiction.

3. When I was five: I was in Mrs. Mulligan’s class. She used to tell us to be quiet or the baby who lived in the attic would wake up. I had many questions about this demon attic baby but she never did answer them.

4. High school was: called secondary school ’round these parts. We used to have “Diet Coke Breaks” before German class looking down at the hot builders who were working on the extension. Power of advertising folks. I didn’t even like diet coke. Or hot builders.

5. I will never forget: where I came here from, never pretend that it’s all real. Someday soon this will all be someone else’s dream

6. Once I met: a girl on a train in California who asked me if I thought she looked like Molly Ringwald. I told her I didn’t know who that was (I was at that time not versed in movie nostalgia). She looked sad. I have a sneaking suspicion she actually was Molly Ringwald.

7. There’s this girl I know: who has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen on any person, including the entire Jolie-Pitt clan. Which makes it all the more cruel when she looks right through you.

8. Once, at a bar: in Portugal I spent an hour taking photographs of the walls. If you are ever in Lisbon, and like me have a weird obsession with both war and clutter visit the Pavilhão Chinês.

9. By noon, I’m usually: contemplating giving marks & spencer’s more of my hard earned cash. It’s not just pasta salad, it fucking outrageously expensive yet the best local option pasta salad.

10. Last night: I introduced my girlfriend to the wonder that is Minnie Driver in Circle of Friends. She was suitably impressed I think, but didn’t quite appreciate the glorious disaster of Chris O’Donnell’s Irish accent.

11. If only I had: a clear idea of what path I should take to finally feel like I’ve made it.

12. Next time I go to church: I hope it will be as hauntingly memorable as the experience I had a couple of weeks ago in St Ann’s Church on Dawson street at an outstanding performance from the Cologne New Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra. It seems they are inspiring many memorable moments as they tour, if this wonderful post from K8 the GR8 is anything to go by.

13. What worries me most: is that I will ultimately regret the choices I have made.

14. When I turn my head left I see: This:

15. When I turn my head right I see: Pat “The Plant” Kenny. Our much maligned, sadly drooping house plant. Behind him are Marty-Whelan-In-A-Pot and Bob.

16. You know I’m lying when: I say I’m grand. There is always something wrong with me even when I’m happy. This just means the wrong thing is comparatively minor, like the fact that right now I have pins and needles in my right foot. If you press me on it, I will be happy to tell you all about the wrong thing and you will be sorry you ever hypothetically asked me anything. I may also make elaborate detours in conversation detailing the last time I had this particular wrong thing wrong with me, which is another charming family trait I have inherited.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: reading Reader’s Digests from the 70’s in my parent’s attic (no demon babies there, thankfully) and cataloguing them according to which ones contained “I am John’s Liver/Kidney/Heart/Brain” stories. I was obsessed with them and secretly hoped we would one day learn about John’s bold bits because I was short of vital information in this particular area.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Emilia from Othello, if my 6th year English teacher is to be believed. She thought I was just perfect for the part of the boringly doomed minor character. Now that’s what I call encouragement to succeed.

19. By this time next year: I’ll hopefully have finished this post.

20. A better name for me would be: my real one, but I think it would be weird to start posting under my real name now even though I’m less attached to anonymity so I continue to use my middle name.

21. I have a hard time understanding: how so many people in this country have a ridiculously short memory when it comes to migration.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: make sure I’m not in anyway naked. All my “have to go back to school” dreams involve me in some stage of undress. What the fuck, Freud?

23. You know I like you if: I make fun of your hat.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: all the other girls in the lovely girls competition for being gracious in defeat.

……Phew. This is taking forever. More tomorrow.